Counseling for Women After Divorce

You’ve Lost You…

You’ve built an impressive life. Successful career, advanced degree, close friendships, kids who are thriving. You’re the friend others call for advice, the employee who gets promoted, the parent who volunteers for everything. You’ve always been the one who has it together.

So it makes sense that divorce feels like your first real “failure.”

For years, you've been their partner. You know you were someone before your marriage, someone accomplished, driven, capable, but she feels like a distant relative now: someone who looks a bit like you, but also feels like a stranger.

You're used to solving problems, optimizing solutions, and pushing through challenges. But this? This isn't a problem you can Excel spreadsheet your way out of. The divorce podcasts and co-parenting books you've consumed with your usual thoroughness aren't fixing the fundamental issue: your entire identity as a high-achiever feels shaken because you couldn't make this one (very important) thing work.

Maybe you knew the end of your relationship was coming as it was happening (even though you refused to admit it at the time), or maybe it caught you off guard. Either way, things have changed massively, and as cliché as you feel asking yourself this, you’re wondering, “Who even am I anymore?”

Right Now, It Looks Like This…

• It’s a weekend, your kids are with your ex partner, and you’re feeling like the only person in the whole world, even the dog is uninterested in engaging (you glare at him sideways, but he’s napping and blissfully unaware). Uncertain where to even begin, you pull up another mindless show on Netflix and settle in hoping for distraction until bedtime. 

• In a moment of inspiration, you scroll your contacts looking for someone to call, but you call no one. You realize that so many of them are shared friends and instead of calling the few friends that are “yours,” you toss the phone on the couch, because you’re certain they’re sick of hearing about your misery. 

• You find yourself overwhelmed by all the things you have to do and yelling at your kids; you guilt yourself, “How can I add to their plate when they’re already going through all of this.”

• Your kid comes to you for explanations, wondering why things have to be this way, and instead of something that helps them feel heard and more secure, you stumble through, “That’s for the adults to worry about,” realizing too late as they walk away that all you did was dismiss them and that’s not a all what you wanted. 

• You’ve attempted yoga, bookmarked a half marathon training program, and downloaded a meditation app. Currently, you spend more time criticizing yourself for not doing them than actually trying them. 

• At work, you’re distracted. That moment in that meeting where someone asked you what you think was horrific. You’d been thinking about how you’re going to get kid A to practice and kid B to dance at the same freaking time. Your professional stress follows you home

You Can’t “Self-Help” Your Way Through This…

You’ve read all the books on co-parenting and listened to the divorce podcasts. You’re a good problem solver, dammit.

You’ve created to-do lists upon to-do lists for how to manage tasks alone and practiced what to say to your kids while standing in front of the mirror. And yet nothing gets better.

You still say the wrong thing (in your humble opinion…it did not match that podcaster) and still sit scrolling social media or watching mindless tv–it’s your only escape.

But Divorce & Grief Aren’t Problems you can solve the same old way…

This is about re-learning who you are. And that takes time and intentional action (not just podcasts and books), as well as a hell of a lot of compassion for yourself.

It’s about forgiving yourself for the mistakes you make along the way, rather than beating yourself up for being a failure.

What you’re doing isn’t working because you can’t just think or self-motivate yourself out of this one. That completely neglects the role of your nervous system and emotions.

Together we will help you get those systems talking to each other effectively so that you can decide what you really want and how to move toward it.

You will figure out who this new version of you really is, instead of being who she thought she had to be.

What Your Life Looks Like When You Find You Again After Divorce…

• Your relationship with your children becomes deeper and more authentic. When they ask those impossible questions, you pause and find words that are honest but age-appropriate; words that make them feel secure instead of burdened. They trust you more because you’re not dismissing or overwhelming them, and you're building the foundation for a lifelong connection.

• Your energy returns at work. You're present in meetings instead of mentally juggling logistics. When decisions need to be made, your mind is actually there. You remember why you're good at what you do, and that competence feels good again.

• You get your time back and stop over-functioning. Instead of trying to be in two places at once, you ask another parent for help with carpools without feeling like a failure. You set boundaries around when you're available and actually stick to them.

• You rediscover who you are beyond being someone's ex-partner. Not the person you think you should be, but who you actually are - with your own opinions, desires, and dreams that matter. When friends call to check in, you don't minimize or deflect. You tell them what's really going on and let them support you.

• You parent from choice, not chaos. Whether that's co-parenting, parallel parenting, or something else entirely, you know what works for your family and you do it confidently, without second-guessing every decision against what the experts say you should do.

 “That sounds amazing, but I need a roadmap.”

We won’t be adding more to your already overwhelming to-do list. We’re not going to strategize your way out of this or pile on more self-improvement projects (because that wouldn’t work anyway).

Instead, we'll work with your nervous system and emotions first, because when you're constantly in fight-or-flight mode, all the podcasts and planning in the world won’t help. I help my clients do this through self-compassion practices , AEDP (Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy), and IPNB (Interpersonal Neurobiology).

These therapeutic approaches help your brain, nervous system, and body communicate better so that you can experience things like…

It’s Saturday morning. The kids are with your ex. You used to dread these mornings: the silence, the scrolling, the overwhelming loneliness. Now you text your friend and say "Coffee in 20?" without the spiral of "they're probably sick of me." She says yes. You meet her and when she asks how you're doing, you tell her the truth instead of defaulting to "fine." On the drive home, you realize you didn't think about your ex once.

Your 8-year-old asks why their other parent doesn’t live here anymore. Six months ago, you would've frozen, then either dismissed them (“That's adult stuff”) or said too much and watched them carry your pain. Now you pause. You sit down next to them. You say something honest but age-appropriate: “Sometimes people who care about each other realize they’re better apart. But we both still love you so much.” They nod and go back to their Legos. You didn’t overshare. You didn’t shut them out. You stayed.

You’re in a meeting at work and your boss asks for your input. Before, your mind would've been halfway across town calculating carpool logistics. Now you're actually present. You have thoughts. You contribute. After the meeting, a colleague mentions that you seem more "back"—and you realize it's true. You remember why you're good at your job. That competence feels good again.

It’s a Tuesday at 4pm and the PTA sends another volunteer request email. The old you would've said yes immediately: partly from guilt, partly because you thought that's what good moms do. Now you read it, think “not this time,” and close your email app. No explanation. No apology. No three-day guilt spiral. You use that Saturday morning to sleep in, read a book, or do absolutely nothing. It feels like luxury.

Your teenager rolls their eyes and says something cutting. You feel the familiar heat rising, that urge to follow them down the hallway with a lecture, to make them understand how hard you're working. Instead, you pause. You let them go to their room. You breathe. Twenty minutes later, you knock and say, "Want to talk about it?" Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. Either way, you're not reacting from hurt anymore. You're responding from choice.

You ask for help when you need it. Your sister offers to take the kids for a few hours and instead of saying "no, I've got it," you say yes. You don't apologize. You don't explain. You take those hours for yourself: a nap, a walk, or just sitting in a coffee shop alone. When you pick up the kids, you're better. You're more patient. You realize that taking care of yourself isn't selfish; it's how you show up better for them.

You’re co-parenting — or parallel parenting, or something in between — and you know what works for YOUR family. Not what the podcast said you should do. Not what your friend's therapist recommended. What actually works for you, your ex, and your kids. You're not second-guessing every decision. You're not performing "good co-parent" for an invisible audience. You're just doing what needs to be done, confidently, without the constant mental commentary about whether you're doing it right.

We'll also look at the patterns you learned growing up that might not be serving you now. Maybe you learned that your needs didn't matter, so now you say yes to every volunteer request and exhaust yourself. As you recognize these habits, you'll start saying no to the PTA fundraiser without guilt, which gives you back your Saturday morning. You'll ask your sister to take the kids for a few hours without feeling like a failure, because you'll know that taking care of yourself helps you show up better for everyone.

The result: you parent with confidence, work with focus, and move through your days from intention rather than reaction. And, best of all, you know who you are and who you’re becoming.