Be your kid’s stand-up audience
I am going to go a little rogue in this one, and people may not agree with me. And that’s ok. Discussion about how to be there for our young people is good!
Inappropriate humor. Objectively define it. Difficult right? I mean, what’s inappropriate in one home may be tolerated in another. It’s a classic case of “know your audience.” You don’t tell grandma the same joke you’d tell your 13-year-old best friend. Regrettably, 13-year-olds aren’t great a discernment. Their abstract thinking is not yet developed enough to play things out (hell, lots of adults aren’t great at that either), and as such, they’re well known for doing questionable things, from engaging in general boneheadedness to taking real risks. Inappropriate humor usually falls under general boneheadedness, but could cross into something that has real consequences. The fact is, your kid is most likely going to make jokes about sex, bodies, and relationships. How are you going to know that they’re not oppressive, harmful, or over the line if they’re not making them around you? This is why you should be their most safe, supportive, and attentive stand-up audience.
Now, I am not saying you start making “that’s what she said” jokes to your 3-year-old. Kids are over-exposed to media-ified (Yeah, I think I made that one up) sexuality way too early. It’s a misrepresentation of true sexuality and creates a whole host of problematic issues. So, no TWSS jokes for little people. But maybe start with not freaking out the first time your kid giggles at a fart. Maybe, just maybe, you giggle, too. Then, when the same kid is older and makes a funny and slightly risqué comment, allow yourself to laugh. Caution here. Be honest about the appropriateness of the joke, as well as if it’s actually funny; it’s ok to say, “Well, they can’t all be winners” if it’s truly not very funny. Trust me, since I am pretty sure I’ve heard all of them, I can attest to the fact that not every TWSS joke is funny or on this side of the line. When something is over the line, calmly say, “That one goes too far,” and then explain why. You can also challenge the stereotypical narratives inherent in many of these jokes, even if they don’t cross your personal lines. This is where you can openly and honestly talk about things like setting, oppression, others’ comfort, and boundaries. At a minimum, I can promise some interesting dinner conversations.
So, be your kid’s stand-up audience. Let them test out their jokes on you. When it goes off the rails, explain why what they joked about was not ok and help them understand the importance of not engaging in that type of humor. Wouldn’t you rather they learn that with you than potentially perpetuate stereotypes and other harmful narratives? Having the relationship safety to make mistakes with you is critical in their development and long term understanding of relationships. If you need help creating a safe relationship with your kiddo, reach out!
