Stepping into the unknown.
This summer was supposed to be endless. I had all the time in the world to figure out this career transition. I’d know what I was about, have a stellar website, and be organized for the fall. I’d probably even have a waitlist. Cue end of summer. What?!?! I’m sorry, what just happened? Where did that 11 weeks go? Next, cue anxiety and latent perfectionism. Who cares that I am a self-compassion advocate? I still have it. We’ve all been there right? Something you had planned didn’t happen as fast as you thought it would (whoa this website!) or you had a vision for yourself that didn’t quite get there by the time you wanted it to (or at all!) or you’re jumping off a cliff of uncertainty and hoping there’s solid ground below.
This is a great time for the inner critic to gear up. It’s also a great time to flex the self-compassion muscle. A wise therapist of mine once said to me, “Anxiety loves comfort and certainty.” We therapists, educators, and supervisors rarely get to know when something sticks. I wish I could tell her that this stuck. Anyway, I digress. If we deconstruct this statement that really stuck with me, we can consider what our anxiety is really about. Sometimes that’s fear of the unknown ahead. We want certainty—that everything is going to be ok, that our plans will not crash and burn, that we made the “right” decision. And we don’t want to feel fear. Fear is too much. So our inner critic can sometimes step in to protect us from that fear. “You are going to mess this up; this was a bad idea; you don’t have what it takes” it says. And we freeze. But what if we didn’t?
Another excellent therapist taught me that emotions are tolerable. What if in that moment, we said, “Thanks critic. I appreciate you trying to protect me. I am scared. But fear is not the threat you think it is.” So many of us try to silence our inner critic by throwing affirmations at it, but what if that’s not what it really wants? In this moment, I don’t actually know if I am able to pull this whole new venture off the way I want to. If I tell my inner critic to ignore that fear, I am meeting it dismissively and with little compassion. Instead I will choose to extend it compassion, “Oh wow. This unknown is scary and you’re trying to protect me. Yeah, maybe I won’t pull this off the way I am envisioning it now, but I will alter course as needed and something new will be created either way. For now, I get to feel scared and I can handle that.” When you face the unknown, try it. Don’t power through. Slow down and let yourself feel the fear and know that you can handle it.
